E T H N O G R A P H Y

In this project I am using interviews, participatory collaborative workshops and observation. I'm interested in the ameliorative quality of participation and the potential of engagement and dialogue with individuals and a group. In Grant H Kester’s book ‘Conversation Pieces’, he states that art work using the medium of dialogue can be a “generative process that can help will speak and imagine beyond the limits of fixed identities” (Kester G. 2004). I want my work to function within the duel professional contexts of both fine art and education, across a range of contexts including but not limited to: schools, colleges, universities, counselling and mental health practices, women's refuges, men's support groups and prisons. The aim of my research-based practice is to get more people talking about silence, violence and masculinity. I am interested in how, as individuals, we can belong to a wider community and play an active part in challenging cultural myths and ameliorating community division.

So far I have written 9 questions and sent these questions to a range of men my age around the world. I have received nine responses all varied in length. (See below) I have also filmed two interviews and I have started working with a local boxing club in Hull (see workshops chapter - Peter Pan and the Lost Boys)

Questionnaire - in response to the following 9 questions I would like each participant to give a cultural observation and personal perspective about themselves.

Why are men quiet?
Why are men still?
Why do men spend time alone?
Why is it important for men to be strong?
What makes men anxious?
What makes men angry?
What makes men violent?
Why do men get into conflict?
What role the men play in a community?

Detailed Responses

The Joiner
Why are men quiet? - I think men are quiet when stressed and upset/angry. Their minds are concerned on other priorities and they are contemplating actions to take to resolve difficulties. Specific to me I am also quiet when listening to music and working. Why are men still? - I am still when relaxing, such as laid listening to music or playing games such as my PlayStation. Why do men spend time alone? - I spend time by myself when I am upset, angry or stressed. I want to be by myself and not socialise which is quiet a big thing for me as I am a very social person. I have friends who like to be alone when relaxing, such as going for walks or spending time in his hot tub alone, they do this to clear their mind, I personally would do this. Why is it important for men to be strong? - This i believe to be prehistoric stereotyping, the "alpha male" syndrome, I for one will admit my wife is stronger than me and a stronger relationship is each party supports one another not "male lead.” What makes men anxious? - I think its personal to different people, heights make me anxious, and the fear of failure or disappointment especially when competing in a boxing ring. Others have different experiences. What makes men angry? - Again I believe this to be individual to the male, personally rudeness is the biggest thing which makes me angry, and people not listening. What makes men violent? - I find violence comes with alcohol for many people, where for myself it has the complete opposite effect. I also have witnessed males become violent as a dominance effect in a room, which can escalate very quickly. Why do men get into conflict? - I believe this is very similar to the answer I gave in the previous question. Only difference is this can relate to orders, such as military or getting involved in other people's situations. What role the men play in a community? - Again this can be very stereotypical with age. Men have got to be the "providers", I however don't believe this. I do think there are roles which physically women can not perform and the same vice versa. I think personally a males role is more "supportive" and visually seen more dominant and commanding, but I have experienced females which have exactly the same effect.

The Writer
Why are men quiet? - Cultural observation: Speaking out, especially if there is a problem or issue, was always seen to be a sign of weakness. The traditional idea of a “stiff upper lip” or “getting on with it” etc. Personal perspective: I believe it has become slightly better for our generation, but the generations above on a whole find it incredible difficult to express themselves therefore they prefer to remain silent about the problem until he builds up and is released, usually negatively. Why are men still? - Cultural observation: The prone man is a fairly common sight. Either on their usual sofa or chair. Where they can sit for hours and watch TV, read or listening to music etc. Whereas women seem to want to fill the day with more tasks, men don’t. Obviously that not universal. Personal perspective: I have my favourite spot as well. I think men need more time and space to wind down. We pick a perfect spot and relax – a form a meditation. Why do men spend time alone? - Cultural observation: If men do spend any time alone it seems to be so that they can allow themselves some “quiet” time. Possibly to de-stress. Although I think most men prefer to be with other men if they are not with their families. Personal perspective: I spend a great deal of time alone as I’m a house husband so my thoughts on this may be different. I enjoy my own company and am more than happy to do things on my own. I mostly have to but do prefer it. Not sure what that says about me. I do prefer being able to do what I want without question/compromise so maybe I’m just being stubborn. Why is it important for men to be strong? - Cultural observation: Another traditional viewpoint. Male dominated society propagates the idea of the tough “strong man.” Used throughout the ages to keep women in a secondary position possibly. Currently, it is very much apart of politics, the return of the “strong man politician” will take the so-called hardline. Personal perspective: Most men from my experience tend to run around in the pack, within that group mentality there is always an unconscious shuffling of hierarchies. The man who can dominate and show he is the toughest by being the bigger, or the biggest drinker or the most prolific with women. What makes men anxious? -Cultural observation: Losing control, new situations that they are unprepared for, being questioned either on their knowledge or beliefs, frustration, boredom, fear, anger. Anxiety is born from anyone of those things and will build up if not dealt with. A ticking time bomb situation. Personal perspective: I deal with anxiety which is mostly from stress. For many years I didn’t know how to deal with that. Exercise helped because it lets me blow off some steam. It took me a long time to realise that talking about it helps as well. Also, quitting alcohol. That has been a big help because I have less low/dark moods. What makes men angry? - Cultural observation: Frustration, boredom, fear, anger, anxiety and not being able to deal with any of those problems and others, effectively. People self-medicate, either with alcohol or drugs or poor diet to deal with their problems which exasperate them leading to anger – this idea that going out for a pint to blow off steam is self-defeating. Personal perspective: I feel like I used to be addicted to anger. I would regularly fly off in a rage over petty little things but then become apathetic if something big happened. Anger is a failure to being able to deal with something. What makes men violent? - Cultural observation: A failure to control yourself. Anger is one thing, but if that anger turns to violence you have lost control. Personal perspective: Most of the violent situations I have ever seen have been connected to drinking. Lowering of inhibitions. Possibly being egged on by a larger group. Violence can sometimes to be a right of passage. A group that gets into fights with another after drinking all day for example, or when two or more within the same group fight amongst themselves. Why do men get into conflict? - Cultural observation: Low self-esteem, wanting to try and prove they are right, dominating another, showing who is the bigger male. Primal. Lack of control. Personal perspective: Some people will always look for conflict even if its not psychical and in my experience its usually due to them having a low self-esteem or in frustration from other parts of life. Being in control of your body and actions because you have no control of the rest of your life. What role do men play in a community? -Cultural observation: The traditional father role – the bread winner. Leaders. Personal perspective: This is still the dominate roles I think, but I do believe that isn’t as much of thing. More men are taking the “female” role of mother or caregiver. Me for example, I am a house husband. 20 years ago that would be very rare.

The Artist
Silence : For me silence is less about the act of silence itself but more about not wanting to be vocal. So not the stereotypical strong silent male persona but more the shy and embarrassed. I often feel like I don’t want to share, I know some men lack the language to express themselves but that is not me. I have an unexplainable sense of embarrassment about some of my more personal thoughts and acts so want to keep them inside. If I don’t speak then I won’t say anything stupid or embracing. This could be as a result of my upbringing, which whilst loving was not one built on sharing our feelings. Having my own personal space in my head to just think and not speak is crucial for my sense of wellbeing. Stillness : I think sometime men struggle with stillness. The impulse to act, and act though instinctive rather than thoughtfulness is sometimes overwhelming. Men tend to act fast, think later. This biological imperative, (a symptom of the fight or flight reflex) has worked well as a survival instinct but in a modern social environment leads to thoughtless and impulsive actions. Stillness has often been troublesome for men, the idea of decisiveness and decisive action is often rewarded in stereotypical male environment, sport, politics etc. The most important action in dance is not the movement, it is the stillness. Before we move we must be still. The stillness allows are actions to be thoughtful and intentional. Rash actions are a lack of stillness. This is why the best solution to rehabilitate male prisoners, (aside from drug rehabilitation and education) is teaching them to dance, to teach them to be still. Solitude : I have never thought of myself as a men who likes solitude. I love being in a relationship and find my life enhanced by company and shared experiences. However small amounts of solitude a very important for my mental health. Constant company can be constant noise and compromise, however, solitude is quiet and self reflective. These moments for an evening, or a few days are really valuable but over an extended period of time make my life seem pointless and futile. ‘A constantly observed life is not a free life but a totally unobserved life can make you feel like your existence is irrelevant’. I can see how this extended solitude could lead to suicidal thoughts. Stoicism : As a philosophical concept I have had trouble with the Stoics. I think people, (even man), are social creatures, it is part of our biological make-up. The idea of stoicism leads us to individualism and isolationist thinking that I personally feel is incompatible with this highly connected and complex social world. The complexity of social interaction is sometimes overwhelming to me, (especially in the social media age), and escaping it hard. I believe this can drive men to Stoical ways of thinking and an old-fashioned idea of masculinity would praises this Stoical thinking. I think it is a philosophy that is apposed to our human nature and can lead to internal conflict that is harmful for the self. Anxiety : Over the years I have struggled with anxiety. I have twice been on medication for it and attended a years worth of counselling. My anxiety is part genetic (from my mother), part self inflicted. I over think everything and this leads me in to negative thought pathways. Anxiety for me is the end (or failure) of logical thought as an answer to difficult situations. Men seem to depend on logically thought. I like solutions to problems and when that process breaks down overwhelming uncertainty and fear kick in, my heart rate increases, adrenaline is dumped and the process worsens into a downward spiral that thought can not lift me out of. Dealing with this is a skill set men sometimes struggle to master as complex unanswerable problems can induce fear. Simple solutions to simple problems are fine but complex interconnected problems where no beginning or end can be seen are difficult to process. Anger / Violence / Conflict : Anger is not a topic I feel I can speak on from a firsthand perspective. I am not quick to anger, the phrase ‘I just saw red’ is something I have never experienced. I have never been in a fight, (I have been beaten up), but never really fought back, other than in a defensive manner. As for my gender again I feel it is a biological imperative, evolutionary and in-built. Quick thoughtless action and reaction leads to violence and conflict. Macho pride and embarrassment about admitting mistakes also lead to conflict. I know it is a stereotype to say but in the playground the boys anger quicker. There may be a disagreement and rather than a thoughtful response to the situation the boys act quickly, not talking it through, just reacting, falling back on the biological, lashing out, trying to resolve the conflict with physical violence. However this rarely sustained for a long period of time and the conflict, whilst explosive and violent subsides fast. As apposed to the girls who tend to have longer more ongoing, not as violent, more social and psychological conflicts with far more complex rules and interactions. For me I think my thoughtfulness means I don’t anger quickly but instead that reaction feeds anxiety. Community : In 2019 I don’t know what my role is within a community, men are confused about our place in the world. For to long mens voices have dominated communities and society so I feel that it is time for us to shut up and take a back seat, allowing these communities and societies to become a more even and fair place. Or even for men to lift up others, using any platforms we have to showcase more marginalised people. This however can leave the self unfulfilled. It is intellectually corrected but can lead to feels of irrelevance, or even worse to feels that you are constantly ‘the problem’ people have to fight against. This can lead to a rise in male extremism, the Incel group for example. Men can also retreater into themselves, isolating themselves from society and this is a breed ground for mental health problems and has lead to the dramatic rates of male suicide we are now seeing. Men can feel unimportant in this world as our typical roles are either disappearing, manufacturing jobs for example, (as the country moves to a more consumer economy relying on interpersonal skills that women are more naturally adept in. Or sometimes these jobs can be seen as emasculating by men from a traditional or working class background). But even if you do manage to carve a role for yourself in this society you can feel like you are just contributing to this fucked up patriarchal system you stand against, leaving your goals and dreams feeling hollow. Male roles in family have always been difficult. My story is the most predictable, broken home, raised by my mother. This pattern has existed forever but added to that this the lack of satisfying job roles for men can lead to the rejection of community and in to isolation. There is a duality within contemporary ideas of masculinity. Strong and silent verses warm and caring, decisive verses thoughtful, bread-winner on one hand, parent and support and facilitator of women on the other. What are men supposed to be? What do women desire in men? What are our role in the work place? The rules seem to change fast and depending on situation, environment and circumstances. Men are not on the whole equipped to deal with this this complex set of ever changing circumstance. Our biology, upbringing and traditional social place in the world have not equipped men with the tool to deal with this. This can leave men feeling confused and hopeless.

The Soldier
Why are men quiet? - Cultural: Other than the ‘strong, silent type’, I’m not sure that a lot of men are. I certainly think there’s a different perception of quiet men (brooding, stoic?) and quiet women (meek, bookish?) in my mind. Perhaps there’s a thought that quiet men make better listeners and that’s what women want? Personal: Christ, I’m not quiet and some of the loudest pricks I know are men. I’m trying to think of people I know who are ‘quiet’. (They often say it about serial killers actually, don’t they? “Oh he was a quiet lad; kept himself to himself!”). I think my Dad was a quiet man, but he’d been through a lot in his younger years … saying that, he was a drummer! If I’m quiet, it’s normally a sign that something’s wrong and Cherie will start badgering asking if I’m OK. Actually, I think people being quiet is usually and indicator something’s up, at least with the people I know. Why are men still? - Cultural: I can only think of a sort-of “quiet before the storm” stillness on a cultural level. I guess there’s implications to being the opposite; a ‘wacky’ character like Timmy Mallett or Mr Motivator. I think for older generations, there’s still a belief in the British stiff-upper-lip mentality and possibly looking up to Royalty, where there’s no obvious outpouring of emotions. Personal: Not that I’m likening myself to Timmy Mallett, but I’m rarely still; I have to make time to be. Even when I’m physically still, my mind is all over the place. I have to try very hard, through meditation, to reign that in. Why do men spend time alone? - Cultural: I think it’s probably a difficult balance to decide if men spend enough or too much time alone or even if there’s some unspoken quota? Thanks(?) to technology we can/are easily connected to people 24/7, so getting some alone time can be difficult (I’m thinking of the bombardment of social media / whatsapp / emails…). Obviously being alone and being lonely are also different things. Personal: I find life can be hectic and overwhelming at times, so any chance I get to remove myself from that for a short amount of time feels healthy. A bit of meditation, going for a run, doing something creative for myself gives me space to organise my thoughts and have a chat with myself. In military circles, the older guys lament the fact that the younger lads sit in their rooms all week gaming or hooking up on Tinder, whilst they reminisce of a Golden Age before the internet where they all got drunk all week and sports / social committees thrived. I think it’s probably the same amount of ‘social’ activity, just via different means. Why is it important for men to be strong? - Cultural: I think it’s probably the same ridiculous cultural forces that say women should be beautiful and stay at home and have kids. I guess men are still seen and told that they’re the ‘Alpha’ and should be the hunter/gatherers (I’d like to see them tell that to Rhonda Rousey!). I think that in the majority of circles, being ‘effeminate’ is still looked down on, and linked to tropes of stereotypical homosexuality; being strong is showing that you’re not weak (the predominantly right-wing insult of ‘Cuck’ springs to mind). I think there’s still a cultural expectancy of being able to ‘fight’ for your woman / family. Personal: I don’t think I’m particularly strong, mentally or physically; we’ve discussed that I cry at Disney movies! When my Dad died, I was told I needed to ‘stay strong’ for my family, which has stuck with me as a bizarre piece of advice (I didn’t, I went to bits and had to seek counselling because of it!). I’m in the military and I’ve been to war (boasting!), but I don’t know if I was ‘strong’ because of / during them? I certainly didn’t choose to be in Afghan! On the flipside, I wouldn’t want to be thought of as weak. What makes men anxious? - Cultural: I think a whole host of things that are different to each person. I imagine Donald Trump is anxious about different things that a homeless guy in Leeds; but anxious all the same. I think failure or possibility of failure is a prime source of anxiety and again in different guises to different men. Failure to succeed at work or failure to provide for your family. Failure to live up to someone’s expectations perhaps? Failing to act / look like a ‘man’? Personal: I’ve got a fairly secure job, secure housing and a secure future. Because of this my anxiety stems from bizarre things; my annual Fitness Test for one. That makes me feel physically sick just thinking about it. The outcome of failing is negligible though; just train a bit and try again, but the thought of failure in front of my peers causes that anxiety. I’ve also got two daughters, so I get anxious about their future, if I’m a good parent and what sort of world they’ll grow into as adults. What impact is climate change, for instance, going to have on them? What makes men angry? - Cultural: Like being anxious I think this is each to their own! I’ve seen people be angry about the most ridiculous stuff (someone having their office chair adjusted whilst they’re away, for instance!). Culturally, do we readily accept many other emotions from men? It’s not seen as manly to cry, or discuss the way something makes us feel, so you can either laugh or get angry. Personal: Frustration is a big one for me. Again, this can come in many forms. I’m not sure if that’s because of being in the military and expecting people to do what they’re told, when they’re told? Injustice makes me angry; I don’t like it when people aren’t treated fairly or play fair. What makes men violent? - Cultural: I think upbringing may play a lot into this (as it does in all the other questions, I guess?). If you’re taught that violence is an acceptable resource (or the only one) and it works, I suppose you’ll use it wherever you can. If you’re then taught that other emotional tools aren’t allowed or accessible, then you don’t have anywhere else to turn. Personal: I’m a lover, not a fighter. In fact, I don’t think I’ve thrown a punch. We were made to fight each other (as a group) during Basic Training, but that was more wrestling than anything. I don’t really like sports, don’t often get super-drunk and don’t do drugs, so I’m rarely in situations where violence classically erupts. As a child I was hit with slippers and a metre-long ruler and I don’t think that taught me anything other than it was OK for adults to hit kids (from pacifist parents as well!). Why do men get into conflict? - Cultural: Bravado? As a gender I don’t think we’re very good at communicating or negotiating or understanding the other party’s point of view. Culturally I think women are allowed to have many more strings to their bows in this arena. I don’t think women get in to less conflict, just that when they do, it’s easier to understand how they got there. I don’t think it’s easy to be seen to back down (lose?) as a man either. On top of that, as our man Elton says “Sorry seems to be the hardest word” – apologising for mistakes is really difficult. Personal: I don’t know if anyone’s ever mentioned it, but apparently, I can be a bit stubborn? That unwillingness to back down does me no favours. Saying that, I don’t particularly like or enjoy conflict (I know some people like to argue for the sake of it), so I do what I can to avoid or de-escalate situations which may lead to it. I’m not sure if that makes me seem weak? What role do men play in a community? Cultural: They play a huge number of roles across a whole variety of communities. Personal: I think of myself in a number of small ‘communities. Family as a father, brother, son, husband. Work as a friend and mentor. Confidant in my charity role. Friend to my amazing circle of friends. I’m not too sure how good I am at any of them though!

The Rapper
Why are men quiet? - I think there has been a cultural shift in the voice of the male. I also see regional differences. Being a southerner I noticed a difference from the north and south when we moved. Up North women are more vocal and louder. I had a friend from Germany who is 6Ft 4 and a well built guy who stated "Scarborough women do scare me quite a lot". There is a more matriarchal identity in the north of the country, ironically, I believe, in response to potentially more traditional values in the ideals still held, particularly in rural communities where men are the breadwinner and women are in charge in the home. This has allowed women to be the lead voice out of the workplace and they are in charge and the loudest in the homes which through generations transfers into other areas. Even when both partners work I have sadly noticed that there is still an expectation that women are in charge in the home although I don't understand this gross imbalance personally and have asked many a colleague why do they put up with it. I think in Britain men aren't quiet, I look at who is shouting the loudest and the makeup of boards and parliament for example and the majority are men. This is part of the issue why we are in so much danger as a society. We don't listen to women enough and if we did there would be more sense spoken and we would be more advanced as a nation than other countries that do hold more equality of voice like Iceland for example. I hear people telling me they are the alpha male and straight away I know that man is nervous and feels threatened by those around them, but these men try too hard to make their voice heard and when it is too loud and too often it becomes hate noise and nothing is differentiated and in that sense silence can become a louder word. As a performer, in one sense I literally amplify my voice from a stage to get people to listen to me but although its my voice, my voice is the voice of others. Which I will explain, because in order to have a right to amplify my voice I have to have listened. Two managers have told me over the years that they have noticed in meetings I sit quietly absorbing everyones points first before giving my own views which end up balanced and measured because I have listened first instead of speaking up loud at first assuming mine is the most important voice because I am a man, it is not. I am quiet because I have learned to listen to women. There is still patriarchy and women are oppressed, those that are oppressed have to fight harder to be heard so I try to fight harder to listen. My mum is an outspoken women, often too outspoken but her very oppressive history from men and her fight has made me see her not as a victim of rape, attempted murder, stalkers, etc but a strong survivor so I listened to her and her lessons and hat is a good man. My Oma, (Dutch Grandma) was a Dutch Resistance member and a survivor of nazi concentration camps and so I listened to her lessons. My British grandma was a strong women who demanded respect and guided me through everything I ever asked of her so I listened, as my grandad did. I work in a sector where we have may have 100 staff and ten will be men, so I have listened there too. It is better to listen and calculate all the thoughts and only be loud when I feel I deserve to be loud because I have listened, extorted, balanced tested and evaluated my listening. Through the rise in feminism the female voice is getting stronger and louder and some men will see it as a competition and a threat and will try and be even louder still. Other men will be quiet and listen and evolve and change and become better men. Men are quiet because you can't listen if you are not quiet. Be quiet, listen and let others slip up and you come in at the end with one sentence of well thought balanced gold and its worth more than an hour of mindless waffle. Good men are quiet because they have realised that they need to be. Why are men still? - Men are still because they are weighed down in societies expectations which they carry like chains around them making them too heavy to move. Literally weighed down in depression through the failure to excel in masculine social constructs. Too much suicide of men, still because they are now corpses. Still through fear to move, to wave, to stand up. We have created a social construct of what defines being male when the reality is the definition is biological, the rest is made up. They are outdated values that no longer exist which causes a state of anomie, a complete imbalance and a feel of failure. I have had female partners praise me for being kind thoughtful, caring and then criticised for caring if something has been unequal or I discuss my feelings for being a girl. Even being kind and caring and wanting to treat us as equal they have described as being "more like a women". They praise me for making them feel safe by being aggressive to others that have wronged them and protect them but if I lose my temper and kick a ball hard in anger I am being aggressive and it's scary. I have a wonderful friend who is a beautiful person and we set him up on a date with a women we knew. She thought he was very good looking but it didn't last as she said he was too kind and nice and she then went into a domestic violence relationship which lasted longer because a 'bad boy' is more acceptable as a male prize than a kind caring 'women like' man. There are impossible expectations and conflicts of definition of what is a model new man and the man of the past, both are held in contexts that suit situation but are complete opposites in style. These are impossible aspirations so you stand stunned by because if you move backwards or forwards you will be wrong. It's lose lose so why not just stand still. Why do men spend time alone? - Men need time alone to breathe out, to create and be artistic, to vent cathartically into space and time erupting ones soul. Men need time alone to birth fantasies through unbridled imagination. Men need time alone to grip their cock, to worship thy self and ejaculate the false gender expectations on a tissue to flush away. To read, to contemplate and cry without judgement or even comfort, just to cry for crying. Men spend time alone so they they can spend time not alone. To wash and clean, to sing out loud, to be who we secretly really want to be. To stand infant of the mirror and feel sad and inadequate compared to every man in a tv commercial and Hollywood film...then to masturbate some more. Why is it important for men to be strong? - You have to be strong to hold the expectations that are put upon you. Genuinely I have seen a week poorly man be asked to carry some boxes for three women who were fit and healthy and stronger than the bloke. He was made to feel unchivalrous and somehow lacking. Because he wasn't physically strong his mental strength was removed from him by others due to stereotypical male gender roles. Men need to be strong as suicide is the biggest killer amongst young men so strength is need to push suicidal whispers to the side, to punch them on the nose and not give in to those destructive temptations. Men need to be strong in not needing to be strong. What makes men anxious? - Men can be anxious because of anxiety. Men are anxious because we deem ourselves failures at being men. We hold impossible expectations upon us to have giant penises, lo last an hour during sex, to make her orgasm multiple times every time, to have a solid six pack, to be a big earner, to be able to defend your family from other men and be the strongest hardest toughest man. To be famous, to be rich enough for big romantic gestures, to win every fight mentally and physically, to be the boss. to be good-looking, to not lose our hair, to not be bald, to be a perfect father, to make sure your son sleeps with loads of attractive women and your daughters remain virgins yet somehow give you grandkids. We are anxious because of these and more ridiculous social constructs we are trapped in like a cage. What makes men angry? - This one is the one where it truly depends on the man. It could be because too many black people have moved into their town it could be that they are angry someone is angry bout black people moving into their town. So I can only speak personally. So personally oppression and injustice makes me angry. I loathe sexism, racism, homophobia etc. and I witness that i am angry. People being ignorant makes me angry, voting for parties or on Brexit when the 'facts' they have are falsehoods and their lack of research twinned with an arrogance that they have a right to vote on something they haven't put any work in to seek the correct amount of knowledge which then affects my family and poor people also makes me angry. People that drive ridiculously slow makes me angry, its incredibly antisocial and if they are scared of driving then don't drive. Oh and M People and a lot of Rhianna's songs make me angry. Shine like a Dimond makes my skin crawl, I hate it and hearing it gets me really angry. Oh and football and my tribe. What makes men violent? - Violence makes men violent. An upbringing of violence and again gender norms and expectations. But also other things such as poverty. Poverty is violence. Oppression is violence. Inequality is violence. The worst violence is suicide, young mens biggest killer, that i violence to ones self. It surprises people who only know me now but I have been a very violent person. I had to be. we were poor and I had ADHD and was different and hyper. I had either to become a victim or fight. I tried victim for a while and didn't enjoy it so I chose to fight and I enjoyed it. The power, the way time slows down, the competition. Although in that loop you never win. i say loop because the next man comes acting your name and so you have to keep looking over your shoulder and keep fighting where as now I fight with education. Why do men get into conflict? - Because capitalism tells us only the meaning of I is important and so I must make I the winner but if there are other I's competing then I must win. We have created a dog eat dog private society where we box ourselves in walls and try and beat the rest to the prize but its a game no one can win apart from those writing the rules. What role the men play in a community? - Its how you define community. Common Unity. In a community of men we are men. In a community of people we are usually the oppressors from originally using our physical strength to make females subservient in hunter gather times to the creating a system of families, communities and industries that maintains this community of patriarchy. My closest friends are men but on the whole I don't like men and what they do. Our role is often as oppressors when our role could be those who carry other higher

The Social Worker
Why are men quiet? - I think it can often be difficult to know how to portray yourself as a man. People have different interpretations of what it means to be a man and in some social situations men are expected to act in a certain way. The uncertainty over how to act or portray yourself can often end up as being quiet as it is the easiest way to keep walls up and not be seen as not being extroverted, laddish, aggressive or having the "banter" that can often be expected of men. Why are men still? - Again similarly to the previous question I believe it is the easiest option to not expose yourself as not fitting into the stereotypes associated with being male. Being vibrant, fun loving and energetic can often be regarded wrongfully as not very masculine characteristics. This is something which I believe is starting to change in society but still has been the enforced masculine stereotype for a long time. Why do men spend time alone? - I think some men spend time alone as a way to unwind. Personally as an introvert I recharge from being on my own or with less people and find being with big crowds quite mentally tiring, going away with work for a week for example can give me a mental hangover afterwards due to spending to long forced to socialise and interact. This can sometimes be seen as anti social but I don't feel it. Personally I'm very happy to socialise but do need to ensure I balance it out with quieter, relaxed time. Why is it important for men to be strong? - I don't think it is important for men to be strong, well only as important as it is for women in my mind. There are many reasons in life why you might need to be mentally strong but I see it as the same pressures for both genders. I do understand the cultural pressure on men being mentally and physically strong though, which I believe is probably deep rooted in our history from the days of hunter gather cavemen who would need to provide for the family. The need to provide for the family is still present in gender stereotypes in this country today but not to the same levels and I believe this belief is diminishing now, largely pushed by the female movement for equality. I think the cultural stereotype for men to be mentally strong though is still very present, conversations around mental health are only just emerging onto the radar for men's issues and still have a long way to go. I still feel the majority of my male friends and colleagues would not feel comfortable about having a conversation around their feelings or any mental health issues, which is sad but is largely linked to societal stereotypes. Personally I feel comfortable discussing issues that bother me and very open to discussing mental health issues but don't feel many of my male peers would be. It leaves a strange situation where I would avoid these conversations to try not to make my male peers feel awkward rather than myself. What makes men anxious? - I think men still are expected to dedicate more of their lives to work, wrongfully in my opinion. But for example we can now opt to share maternity leave and extend paternity but I know no examples of men that have done this due to I believe the impression it would give their bosses. There needs to be positive examples of work ethics set to men by the top. Employers need to start also taking longer paternity, working just their contracted hours and enforcing it upon their employees. Many staff not just men but often men, feel the pressure to work longer hours and devote their life to their work even if it is not what they want to do. These long working hours coupled with family pressures are a huge cause of anxiety, especially when coupled with the social expected conformities as mentioned above. Men still have some pressure as the providers as mentioned above and as much as it is changing, for many men it is still a very real pressure. Excessive work, coupled with pressures to provide financially is not healthy for mental health which as mentioned is also not discussed between men often. The perfect storm. What makes men angry? - I think some men struggle to know how to portray their emotions, when mental health discussions are not on the radar and the cultural conformities as mentioned above it can be hard for some men to know how to express themselves, especially if they have grown up in a family where toxic masculinity has been pushed on them by a father who has also not known how to express himself healthily. Anger can sometimes be the only way some men know how to vent, express themselves and make their frustrations heard. I think this can be resolved through healthy discussions and teaching our boys from a young age about positive masculinity and encouraging communication about difficult issues or emotions. What makes men violent? - I think this links into my last answer to do with anger but the violence is also a link to the answers about men feeling the cultural pressure to be strong. If you have a man unable to healthily express themselves, causing them to be quite angry, coupled with the expectation to be strong and able to provide for and defend a family or tribal unit such as a group of friends, it can be easy for this to turn into violence, especially if they have other peers who express themselves through violence and anger it can become normalised and if anything an expected behaviour. Many men know someone who would talk about how someone would deserve to be hit or knocked out if they crossed a particular line etc, for example "if he said that to my face I'd knock him out" this is much more of male language than female. Why do men get into conflict? - Again touched upon above but when it becomes normal within the their family and friend groups, when they have large pressure financially or through work, when they are unable to express themselves positively and have never been taught it's ok to express themselves positively, when they feel the pressure to react a certain way in a certain situation and can't see or understand and alternative behaviour. All mixed together and add a few whiskeys and it's not hard to set off a conflict. This is not all men but is often linked to the societal stereotype more so than being gentle, communicative or able to express emotions. As much as men need to learn how to talk, society needs to also stop the rhetoric of men being aggressive, violent and unable to communicate. Positive male role models need to be showing from a young age how to express your feelings and emotions and not focus on the unhealthy stereotypes that are associated with men. What role the men play in a community? - It depends who you ask. Some feel that they are still the providers, some feel they are still the workaholics that don't participate in family life, some feel they are the men at the top putting a glass ceiling in gender inequality in the workplace, some impressions are the lager louts that smash up city centres at the weekend. But not many will point to men as being caring role models, hands on fathers, inspiring teachers or people able to express themselves and support their peers. This is changing I think but there is still a bias, since becoming a dad I see so much talk about the stresses of motherhood and the pressures of motherhood but very little involve men and the roles they play as fathers. So many men are now equal parents but it's still stereotypical that men aren't as involved and the burdens are on the mother. This alienates men and the narrative needs to change to celebrating the parent regardless of gender. Bosses need to lead by example by enforcing longer paternity leave so men don't have the dilemma of offending their boss and damaging their career by asking for it. Society needs to stop linking anti social behaviour with men and start putting more of a spotlight on healthy role models and the phrases man up, boys don't get and similar terms need to be completely rejected. With my son he will always know it's absolutely fine to cry, it is positive and healthy to talk about your emotions and a positive approach to discussions around issues are the best ways to resolve them.

The Adventurer
Why are men quiet? - Men are quiet in 2 ways: Personal observation/experience dictates the following: Phase1: (Teenage years to first few years in the real working world) - Lack of confidence, sadness, a feeling of being lost, not achieving what you want in life, impatience. Phase2: (Mid 30s onwards) They have acquired adequate wisdom and knowledge. They know when to observe what goes on around them, both in professional and non professional settings. In life, men can be quiet because they are absorbing universal energy, listening and simply to gain a sense of the world and/or environment around them. Why are men still? - Being still (Physically and Mentally) enables us to observe, feel and again, sense what is happening around us. It enables us to make decisions that help us show up as our best selves. Why do men spend time alone? - Alone time is a key self-learning opportunity. However, it can also be an indicator that there is a lack of self confidence. Why is it important for men to be strong? - Strength (mentally) in men (and women) is one of the many pillars that help form the foundations of our very being and existence. When enduring hardships throughout life, this becomes resiliency. What makes men anxious? - For some it is uncertainty of the future or fear of the unknown. What makes men angry? - When the odds seem like they are against you despite powering through the hardest obstacles that life can put on your path. What makes men violent? - Frustration. Provocation. When the feeling of 'being fed up' sets in. The other reason can be when the individual or loved ones become threatened. Why do men get into conflict? - The biggest reason for this is simply indecision. What role men play in society? - Supporters, guides and cheerleaders towards all humankind.

The Surfer
Why are men quiet? From a personal perspective, I do like peace and quiet. I sometimes get up early so I can sit in the house or the garden, drinking coffee and listening to the sounds of the world. I feel that most men take a relaxed approach to life and with the every day craziness of being a family man, kids running around screaming and causing mischief, the Mrs moaning at me about Bill's, things I haven't done and should have done, a business to run etc etc, to sit in silence is time for me to asses the day, the previous day, the future, the past etc before it all starts again, to be me alone in my own thoughts, because time to be me doesn't happen much anymore. I guess this is a similar reason to most men. Why are men still? To be quiet and still I feel are one and the same in how I react to them, to be still is to be quiet and both work in harmony with each other and are both beautiful things to appreciate. To be still for a man is to sit and take a moment and recharge the batteries because we never stop moving, hours and hours of hard graft each day, changing nappies, bathing kids, riding miles on the bike, running, swimming, lifting weights, surfing! To have five minutes of still is what a man needs. I'm sure a women needs the same too. But these series of questions we are talking about how they are from a mans perspective. Why do men spend time alone? For me it is to feel like me again, the once single man who lived alone without children or a Mrs, no real work, no responsibility, alone to be me and lounge around on a lazy Sunday, jump on my bike with my board under my arm and casually pedal down to the beach with not a worry in the world or to go grab a 7am coffee and sit off the pier with my fishing rod and a pair of flip flops and watch the world start to wake, just me doing me, being alone gives me time to think of these things and enjoy being me for a few precious minutes of the day. Why is it important for men to be strong? I suppose for me it comes back to being small and skinny as a kid, getting bullied and the strong kids where the ones I envied and wanted to be like. I started boxing to look after myself and then weight training to get bigger and stronger to protect myself. As I got older it turned more into looking bigger and stronger to attract a female or two. Then later on being stronger was a way of protecting my Mrs and my children and be the one who would fight people off to protect them if the time ever came. Now funnily enough being strong means to protect my mind and my feelings, being mentally strong to protect myself. As a child watching my Mum and Dad fight, hiding under the dining table I would apparently growl like a lion at my Dad and protect my little sister, I would get out from under the table and growl at my Dad ROOOOOOAAAAAARRRR!!! Making myself sound big and bad to stop him hitting my Mum because it was an instinct. When faced with threat, your instincts surface and you become an animal showing your teeth, your size, how scary you can be. To be strong for a man is to protect. What makes men angry? Personally the things that make me angry are people who bully others, in the past I have spoken out and felt the need to protect others who I felt where being taken advantage of. When I was in Australia I worked on a farm and the farm hand was taking advantage of a Chinese couple because they didn’t speak English, he was ripping them off so I walked over and said NO!!! Your taking the piss!!! I hate bullies!!! I hate bad manners, ignorance, people who are purposely difficult because they can be and want to exercise that right, I get angry at aggressive people who think they can speak how they want to people and don’t consider other peoples feelings. I get angry at bad drivers who nearly cause accidents by not using indicators, or who want to race you for trying to overtake! I get angry at pretentious fake people, smug/arrogant rich people who are born with a silver spoon and dont know how to communicate on a human level. I get angry at silly things like the council sending out parking wardens during a world crisis when we are struggling with a pandemic and nobody is earning any money, so they think it's fine to take peoples money????!!!! I see them ticketing cars and it infuriates me!!!! I hate to see people in charge running things so badly!!! I.e. Borris Johnson making a shambles of protecting the British public. What makes me angry is seeing people living on the streets and MP's getting pay rises!!! Erm if people are on the streets, I'd say your job is not done so who said you deserve a pay rise? I get angry at animal cruelty! I get angry about hearing about child cruelty on the news! I get angry at racism!!!! I stupidly lost my temper a few weeks ago when I pulled out in front of a guy driving way to fast, who then proceeded to drive too close to my bumper, swerving everywhere, so I stopped the car and walked over to have an angry word or two! Lol. I think anger seems to be more of a male issue due to the amount of testosterone in our DNA, as animals during mating season, the male is usually more aggressive as the male usually has to fight off other males to gain the rights to mate with the female. These days we are civilised human beings who can choose to recognise our emotions and try and manage them, but at the end of the day we are animals and our genetic make-up like it or not is our true emotion. What makes men anxious? Being out of control, too many things going on in a mans life that he becomes overwhelmed with emotion! Such as bills to pay, not enough income, growing older, past regrets, relationship problems, children, work deadlines, missing the gym, pointless arguments, not being a certain place in life/career where you want to be. Anger, violence and conflict are all things that go hand in hand, as mentioned earlier, the genetic make up of a male is to basically rut, fight to be the alpha male in the pack, the bigger, stronger male in theory is usually more attractive to a female, showing strong genetics for survival and will probably produce healthy offspring, these are part of who we are as men and as much as these are not admiral traits in a human being, they are the traits of a healthy males DNA, but do not hold highly in the list of respectable human personality traits in the 21st century. So in todays society where is a mans place and how do these personality traits fit in? In a world where aggression, violence and conflict are looked down on, how does a man manage these parts of his natural personality? He either embraces it in business and sport or channels it into passion or he suppresses it. For those that suppress they're natural male instincts, I feel this leads to mental health issues. Personally I feel this is why sport, for years has been more male dominated and why we succeed more in these areas. I'm going on a bit of a ramble here. It's more of just a thought of how I'm trying to understand male emotion and his place in society.

The Fighter
Why are men quiet? It would mean that Im stuck in thought about something in particular, or I am angry about something and don't want to either make it worse or go over it over and over it in my head. Its like a meditation or an escape from something. If your quite your reading or watching a film. Silence can be part of enjoyment. Why are men still? Traditionally men are still because its perceived as more sane. To hide versions of themselves that they are afraid to show, so they don't look too characteristic, too full of beans, too out there, to hide themselves from ridicule. Why do men spend time alone? Reflection, reflective practice, stillness and serenity, when your ready for a bit of that, sometimes you just need that time by yourself, you need to be in your own space, have a work with yourself, reflect on whats been going on before you've spent this time, to get a break and just to have that relaxation so that when you are around other people you've got rid of whatever tension you might have built up by just having that bit of time by yourself just to relax. Why is it important for men to be strong? Its not, Its important for anyone to be strong, for themselves. Its important for you to be strong for your own health and your own mental health, for those around you, who, I wont say depend on you, but for those who care about you and want to see you do well and succeed. For yourself, you've got to be strong for yourself. Its important to be mentally strong Its not important to be physically strong so you've got an understanding of where your at. To understand your own feelings and if this around you so you get a better understanding of how to react in situations. As far as physical strength in blokes its about bone density. I think the whole thing about the perception of strength in blokes is more to do with the old outdated ideas that only we can go to war, and only we can fight the battles, and nobody else can do it if they are female, it always has to be a guy, if anything its physical. In 2019 we are only just starting to peel through those barriers of physical strength and the expectation and the lie that you have to be strong to be successful. What makes men anxious? Expectation, I don't live a traditional mans life, Im approaching my 40th birthday, and I don't have any kids and I've never been married so i don't have the general anxieties of a normal guy. Expectations pure and simple. Seeing a path set out in front of that isn't necessarily what they want but thinking that they have to take it. Having a job is good. If i didn't have a job, a lack of finance a lack of stability within my life. Sometimes anxiety is a mental health condition. What makes men angry or violent and get into conflict? The expectation of who they are supposed to be, who they are trying to live up to, who’s around them, what environment they've grown up in. The situation they are in. “Are you happy in your relationship” “No lets act out”. “Im stressed because I've got loads of kids”. Life in general makes people violent. Or actual illness. General frustration. If its in you naturally then your gonna be a randomly violent person who is perceived as on the edge at any point who could just snap. It all comes down to situation. Violence comes from mental illness. A massive part of it comes from a lack of confidence. Short tempered reactions. Because they are scared. People only act out because they are scared, I know this. Scared of whatever they are scared of and they don't know how to act on it so thats the outcome. What role the men play in a community? The worker Bee, keeping everyone afloat while Mam is at home. Playing the traditional role. Its changed a lot now, they are becoming aspiring leaders, the catalyst for getting troubled youths off the streets. Coaches. Like me personally I work as a success coach. My personal experience in the community is helping the youth, weather it be male or female, on deciding what they want to become through through different training, through controlled violence. Teaching controlled violence. When you show youths the effect of violence and how easy it is to be the perpetrator of violence the guilt that comes after that, you realise that to put that on anyone becomes and massive detriment to your own character and you would end up feeling very guilty about it. My role is to teach young males and females how to control their thoughts and feelings, and there own anger, and manage it through showing them exactly where they would end up if they didn't manage it. By teaching them how to do it correctly, they would therefore never use it in real life scenarios, apart from in a competition element. The realisation that they get when they understand what it is to be hurt and that it is to hurt somebody, is the biggest element of what turns it around in their head. And I can say that because it happened to me as well. I never wanted to go out and be violent with anyone but as soon as I started training violence and fighting as a profession and even as an amateur I quickly realised how horrible it is to have that set upon you when you don't want it. Because any person who has ever been in a fight in their life, remembers every fight they have been in because they’re harrowing scenarios. The image that you get left with and the feeling you get left with if you are attacked or started on in the street no matter what age you are. I can remember every fight or every conflict I've ever had with somebody based on the amount of adrenaline and fear that runs through you in that moment. By learning to control the fight and flight element, you then realise what kind of detriment it can be to put that on somebody else.